This is me: Angela Malestein

THIS IS ME: Angela Malestein

I started to play handball because we did it at school. Although everyone in my family quite likes sport, I am not from a handball family at all — but my family really embraced my handball journey and have been a huge part of it.

I liked school handball and my sister was playing, so I went along. I was eight. I always wanted to have the ball and to score. We had training once a week and I couldn’t wait until Thursday, when I could go with my bike to the hall and train.

It was really clear early that I wanted to be a handball player. We have these friendship books in school in Holland, when you are like 10 or 11 years old, that you give to all your classmates and in there it says what you want to be when you grow up. Everybody writes down doctor or pilot or whatever, and I wrote handball player.

I was playing in my town and my sister was playing somewhere near Utrecht. In breaks in the game all the kids go on the field playing around, throwing, and a trainer asked my mum if I was the younger sibling of my sister and if I was left-handed, then said I should join the team as soon as possible. My mum thought I was too young and there was time to see if I really liked it before committing, but I begged her and she agreed. It was a commitment from her: like four times a week, 25 to 30 kilometres one way.

My mum’s support was really important. My grandparents and the rest of the family were also always ready to help me. My mum always said, “I will do everything if you want, but you really need to take it seriously.” I’m very thankful for that.

That was how I started with udivision. Then it started with selections and the national team, and I changed club to VOC in Amsterdam. I went to the academy when I was 16. At first, I was kind of rejected. It was really hard to get in there. At first the trainers said no and that I needed to finish my high school. I was allowed to come the year after.

I already played in Amsterdam when I joined the academy. I was going all the time with the train and on the way back, my mum always picked me up. The year after it was training the whole week at the handball academy and on Friday you go to your club.

My sister stopped playing in her late teens. She started to enjoy life outside handball and also had some injuries. I never doubted about continuing playing. I always wanted to be a handball player, so for me handball was the main track in my life. Of course, there are other things, like my family and my friends, but so much of who I am, where I have found friendships and where I learned the most about myself came from handball.  

I know some people will be too young to remember this time, but when I was a kid, we had one big computer. I would have one hour, my sister had one hour, and then I could go to my grandparents to also have one hour. I spent my computer time watching handball on YouTube. I saw players like Anita Görbicz and Gro Hammerseng and I wanted to be like that.

I was with the national team from a very young age and that forced me to learn a lot about the mentality needed. I have to say it was like being thrown to the sharks. I was 16. I had really hard times — when you’re not playing or not getting invited or you play with very big, big players, like Nycke Groot, Yvette Broch, Estavana Polman. I played with so many different types and and I could learn something from everyone. The older generations also, for example Pearl van der Wissel. They’re all big names and I’m really happy that I played with them all, so I could learn from all of them.

Also, from the different trainers — some trainers didn’t like me as a player and some liked me as a player, but from both you can learn so much. This is the way I learned to work hard. One trainer didn’t take me to a tournament, and I asked him, “What do you need for me? What should I do to be on the court next time?” He gave me some points and I was determined to work as hard as I needed to.  

It’s the same when I have a bad game. I come to a new training and there I’m going to give not 100, but 200 per cent, and the next day again, next day again. I learned from these things, when it’s not going well or you have injuries or you are not playing or you’re not named in the team or squad or whatever. I think this makes a player. It’s about what you do with it. It can kill you or make you stronger.

After school, my dream was really to go to Denmark to play. I had one option there and I had one option in Germany. I chose to go to Germany. It was close to home so I could always drive back, and it was a young, talented team, so I could play a lot. I think at a young age, it’s very important to play a lot, to make a lot of minutes, and then from there, you will see where it goes.

My family was there almost every second weekend. Although I was already a little bit used to being away, and the academy helps prepare you for that, I was very happy that I had this. My mother came and helped me a lot because the first time alone abroad, when you’re 18 years old, is a big step of course.

I did have some Dutch teammates. Wendy Smits — she passed away about a year ago. She came with me to Blomberg and stayed for six months. She was a little bit older, so she had much more experience. She was also really crazy, so I learned a lot of crazy things from her. But having her there helped me a lot. She had cancer and was too young when she passed away. 39.

Later on, two of my really good friends came, Rachel Piekhaar and Isabella Jongenelen. I had a really good time with them, and this all helped the transition to being a professional player abroad.

When I decided to move to Hungary, I had played eight years in the German league and I really wanted something new — new challenges, new impulses. There were some offers, but at first I didn’t think it was worth it. If I was going, I really needed to know that it’s worth it. Then FTC came and that was always one of the clubs I had in my mind. I was very happy and I’m still very happy here.

I had FTC in mind because Budapest is an amazing city. When we played Champions League with Bietigheim and we were with FTC, I was like “Yes, we can go to Budapest! And yes, we can play in the full arena!” There is always a good atmosphere there and these are the kinds of games I really like to play. All the time when you enter the field, even if you’re tired or it’s not a big game, you always get some extra motivation from them. This is also why I play handball.

Last season, just reaching the EHF FINAL4 was amazing. I want to win the Champions League with FTC and it was my biggest dream to reach the FINAL4. I really believed in it. I really believed, also in the second game of the quarter-finals, when we had to come back from such a deficit from the first leg and it was level at half-time in the second. The first game was, of course, very bad from us. From everyone, really bad. I said to the girls, “If we look at me, Emmy [Emily Bölk], Leki [Andrea Lekic] and another few players, our statistics were so bad, in both defence and attack. If we all put like, 30 or 40 per cent more from what we did in the first game, then statistically it’s very easy, if you count like this. So there is a chance.” We started this game and I had a good feeling, and then in the half-time, I said, “We can still make this.” We came out of this half-time and I knew we were going to own the game. I was sure.

Winning the semi-final was just craziness. After, there is such an energy in you that you cannot sleep. The next day, playing the final after that, we were like dead walking bodies on that field because the semi-final was a hard game.

I’m a winner type. I was so sad after this final. I was so disappointed, but now, after a while, I know we can be proud of the way we made it there — it was not easy — and that we reached the final. We didn’t play that bad in the final against Vipers. We just started really bad. And overall, playing against [Katrine] Lunde — all the respect for her, she’s just born to get trophies. This woman is closing every final.

In our team we try to be positive, but we are also realistic, and we can just say when we play bad and need to do better. Only in this way can we come further. We are lucky. We play a team sport, so most of time you have 12 or 13 other players who can solve a problem. The power of our team is that we are really a team. We’re all equal and we help each other a lot, so I don’t see myself as some big leader in the team even though I’m one of the most experienced.

How I see my leadership role is caring that everybody feels goods. I never want to put myself higher than someone else, because we put the same effort in. It doesn’t matter if you have 200 caps and another doesn’t play international games. We all work on the same goal. I enjoy a lot when the young players work really hard and then they get the time and rock it. Maybe that’s a kind of leadership, that I’m good in the team atmosphere, but I feel like we really have to do it all together.

This is also the beauty of team sports — the in-built support and the friendships that grow from it. I have made so many friends for life through handball; so many in every team I’ve played in.

Of course, Estavana — I played with her since we were 14. We met in the talents — our young, young national team — and we had this click since day one. We were also together in the academy. We went through it all and also privately, we know everything about each other. This is a kind of friendship that never goes away. Another really important friend is Delaila Amega. She was with us in the national team when we won the World Championship, but had to stop because of injuries. Then, at FTC, for example, Leki. I haven’t known her that long, but she was one who was here for me in one of the most terrible times.

My grandad, he was very sick. I was running out of time to go home to see him and be there for the last days, and then he passed away. It was, of course, not easy for me, because my grandad is like my dad for me, and he was also really young. My trainer Gabor [Elek], he was also really there for me in that time. He said I could go home or stay and train and play as I wished: “Do what you feel is right.”

My grandad was a big supporter of mine. He was so proud. He came to the national team games always. He was one of the people who drove me through the whole country, to let Angela train and play.

I was just in time to see him for the last time. He waited for me. We played the eighth-final against Krim and I flew directly after this game. I was with him all day and night and then he died. He said, “I want you to play. I want you to win and then you come back.” The week before, I was home a lot, so we already had the nice last goodbyes and conversation. I was really happy I could have this.

I’m the kind of person who tries to handle things alone. I don’t like to put things on my family so they will worry. They helped so much with the logistics of me becoming a handball player, so the mentality and the work is for me. I have learned there is no shortcut around the hard work, which also means seeing what you need to improve; that if everything goes wrong, everything will work out — there will always be another solution; and that you alone have to believe in yourself and keep going forward in that way.

I will never give up. I can play bad, but I will never put my head down. I play handball because I really like it and to be really good and reach the top, you need to work. You cannot do nothing and be in the top. I know the pressure and workload have been a struggle for some players and mental health has become a bigger topic in handball in recent years. I think balance and concentrating on what you can affect are the keys. Some always want to have everything in control, but you cannot, because we are human. It’s good if you see this balance fast, between enjoying the game, working hard and having fun with your teammates. It’s also very important that you feel safe in the team, so that’s why I pay attention to everyone feeling good.  

I think all these factors work together to enjoy the life that we can have. You can play handball. You can train every day. You can do what you like the most.

Overall, I think the theme of my story is not giving up. In the national team, in the youth, I got rejected first for the handball academy. Then I was only training with the national team and not chosen for games. I worked harder and harder, got chosen for the national team but still didn’t play. I needed to do more and more and more and then we changed trainers. Some trainers put me out of squad; some put me in it. It was never easy, but I never gave up and I was always like, “This is my passion. Only I can do something about it and I will just work harder and harder.” The same for the clubs. I always needed to put some extra steps.

You should never give up and always communicate and learn from others. Everybody has a story. Everybody’s doing it their way. This is the beauty of sports — that everybody has their own thoughts, their own way, their own story. Mine was not always easy, but I enjoyed it all to the fullest and then this all came — and I’m not done.

Angela Malestein
February 2024